


Hetalia: Truth or Dare?

by orphan_account



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Truth or Dare, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 19:25:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13347903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: [Marked as complete but new chapters will come] It's a G20 meeting, and it's just about as peaceful as expected! But when America comes up with a horrible idea to play a game of truth or dare, and the bosses actually agree, life become ten times worse. Aiya...





	1. Chapter 1

England groaned.

"Why the bloody hell to I have to go to the G20 meeting?" The nation-personification grumbled as he got off the car. "Scotland, Northern Ireland, and Wales are part of the UK too. Lazy bastards. Now I have to deal with America. And France. And China. And Russia. And-"

"Yo, Iggy!" An annoyingly familiar voice shouted.

"Don't call me Iggy," England snapped. He groaned as "the voice," otherwise known as America, started laughing.

"Dude, you're so uptight! You need to chill a little. Also, wax your eyebrows."

"Sh-shut up," England spluttered angrily, "I'll tell your boss!"

"Oh, come on," American whined, "That's not fair."

England smirked, before turning towards the building. As he walked towards the doors cheerily, he bumped into someone.

Immediately, an eerie purple glow filled the air. The temperature dropped. Faintly, you could hear a "Kolkolkol" noise.

England turned pale.

He was wondering if he had bumped into Russia, before he heard an angry "aiya" and some cursing in Chinese.

"Why you bump into me, aru?" China shouted angrily, "Westerners so stupid! Their eyes no work! Only organ of theirs that works is their stomach!"

"Well, you bumped into me too," England snapped, leaping to his own defense.

Russia, who was standing by, frowned.

"No, you bumped into Yao-Yao. He was just standing here talking to me."

China nodded vigorously.

England gulped, looking at the giant Russian's upset expression. Luckily, South Korea chose that moment to come sprinting in and starting to grope China.

Russia's expression became 100 times more upset. His scarf began to move on its own. The Russian grabbed South Korea with his tentacle scarf.

"You will not touch Yao-Yao, da [1]?" The Russian whispered creepily.

South Korea gulped. Even his weird face curl looked terrified.

"Stop!" America shouted, charging in, with Japan hurrying behind him.

"The hero will not allow the evil commie to hurt one of my besties!"

Russia frowned.

China scowled, "Aiya, it's you two."

Japan looked as upset as he ever had as he glared at China.

"Wonderful," England thought, "I get to be present for the start of WWIII. Simply lovely. I can't wait."

Kolkolkol…

"Russia-san!" Japan snapped. England was stunned to see that the usually serene nation looked angry. And Japan didn't even like South Korea. It probably was the whole anti-China thing. "You cannot hurt Korea-san!"

Russia pouted, "But he was groping China!"

"What are you doing?" One of the Germany's officials snapped, marching over, "Get inside! We do not have forever!"

"Shi de [2]," China grumbled, "But do not talk to me in that manner! I'll have you know, I is 4,000 year old! Show respect to elders!"

Germany's official sighed, "Please just get inside."

"Simply lovely," England thought, "Just great. Now we can go argue pointlessly." Sighing, the Englishman marched into the building, along with the others.

Once inside, England looked around. This meeting room had survived five meetings, so it was close to breaking the record, seven meetings. Most of the times, meeting rooms only survived one or two meeting. As usual, the countries that were already there were arranging themselves into groups.

"Might as well join a group," England thought, trying to push down the growing feeling of dread in his stomach. Sighing, he went to stand with Germany, Italy, and France.

"Angleterre!" France smirked.

"Bloody frog," England grumbled.

Germany scowled, looking around at the separate groups.

"There's no way anything can be accomplished like this," The tall blond grumbled.

"Ve~" Italy said cheerfully, "Let's all eat pasta!"

"Nein [3]!" The German shouted, "We must work!"

Italy began crying.

"Now, now," France said, "How about we try some amour [4] instead?"

Germany glared at France, before moving to the head of the table.

"Everybody!" The angry German shouted, "Gather around the table! NOW!"

Grumbling, all of the nation moved around the table.

Germany opened his mouth to further speak, but before he could, America jumped over and shoved Germany out of the way.

"Dude, I think this G20 meeting can convene!" America shouted, slamming his fist on the table, "Solving all of today's financial stability problems by talking excessively! No matter how hard it seems, we can fix anything with enough meetings and photo-ops! Feel free to speak honestly while protecting your chances for real action. I'll go first. About that terrible policies thing, I think we'll be okay if we genetically engineer a huge hero to have him fix it!"

Argentina, brown-haired with green eyes, lifted her head. Perhaps she had been shocked into paying attention by the sheer stupidity of America's idea.

Canada sighed, and Australia grinned wildly.

"I agree with America-san," Japan said.

"Man up or I'll beat you in the face!" Saudi Arabia threatened.

The scary middle eastern lady was covered from head-to-toe (except for the eyes) in black cloth.

England sighed in exasperation. "There's no way some hero will help our bad policies or humanity in general."

France smirked, with roses (?) appearing around him.

"If Britain and America don't agree, how can I be superior by dissing them both?"

England scowled and started yelling at France, while chopping his head with his hand. America started jabbing France's head with a pen.

"You Frenchies just love to hate America," The taller nation chuckled, "Why not go back to making hot green chick statues like you used to?"

China rolled his eyes, "Western nations are so immature, aru. I doubt they ever grow up. Maybe I can try appealing to the only organ of theirs that seems to work.

Beaming, China pulled out a basket of Chinese treats.

"Would you guys like to sample some Chinese tasty-treats?"

"We'll just get hungry again!" England and France shouted together.

Indonesia approached Russia. The female nation had dark hair in a high-set ponytail. Her brown eyes glittered nervously.

"Hey, Russia," She said, smiling shyly, "Why don't you say something, Russia? They'll stop fighting if you go over and step in."

Russia frowned, "What? Why me? No thanks. I want to see if South Korea can't handle North Korea and comes crawling over for help."

Said Korean whimpered nervously.

"And maybe South Africa will come over too!"

South Africa gulped, with Turkey standing behind her. The African nation had dark brown ringlets and green eyes. Her usually calm demeanor was showing cracks.

"If you so tough next you'll try to pick a fight with Hades," India said, smiling.

"Don't hurt South Korea or I'll kick a soccer ball in you face!" Brazil threatened. The South American country had dark hair, eyes, and skin, as well as a green headband.

Meanwhile, Mexico was somehow taking a siesta during all of this. She had dark skin and hair, and a frying pan laying next to her seat.

There was angry shouting, and several bangs.

"Please, everybody, calm down!" China said desperately.

More angry shouting.

"Everybody, shut up!" Germany yelled, banging his fists on the table.

"Germany?" England and France said together.

England looked up from his fight with France. Beside him, the bloody frog was looking up as well.

"We've called this conference to solve the world's financial problems, not to fight about the problems of our past. And since I'm the only country who seems to know how to run a meeting, we'll follow my rules from here on out. 8 minutes each for speeches, no chit-chats about side deals, and absolutely no going over the time limit. Now, if you want to go, raise your hand, but do so in a way that does not mock any salute of my country's past!"

Italy raised his hand.

"Germany recognizes his friend Italy!" The angry German shouted, pointing at the italian.

Italy beamed.

"Pastaaa!"

Everybody collectively groaned. Even Mexico had woken up.

"Maybe she was shocked awake by the sheer stupidity of this," England thought, scowling.

"What does pasta have to do with anything?" Saudi Arabia growled.

Italy gulped, before answering, "Ve~ We can eat some pasta to cheer ourselves up."

America laughed, "Dude! I have an even better idea! We can go to my house for a game of truth or dare!"

"No way!" England snapped, "I wouldn't go to your house if my life depended on it!"

"I hate to agree with Opium," China grumbled, "But I would not either!"

"Nein [3]!" Germany roared, "We must work!"

"I think that's a fabulous idea!" One of the bosses declared, suddenly appearing behind Japan, causing him to scream. "It'll be perfect for fostering international friendship and cooperation. I think you should all go tomorrow!"

The other bosses nodded in agreement.

"When did you guys get here?" Indonesia yelped.

"We already finish our meeting," China's boss explained, "So we come to check on yours. Good thing we did, or the arguing might have gone on forever."

"You're not serious, are you?" Mexico demanded.

"Yes," Her boss answered, "We are."

"What?" Saudi Arabia screamed, "I have to go to that idiot's house?"

Her boss nodded.

China sighed, "I'll bring some snacks, aru."

"Bloody hell," England muttered, "I can't believe we have to do this."


	2. Chapter 2

Argentina beamed as she ran the doorbell.

"I can't wait!" The Latin American nation thought, "I'm sure this will be fun! I remember playing games with the rest of mi familia [5] back when I was Spain's colony… when he wasn't busy being a jerk… and then we all got our independence… which was good… and now we don't talk as much…"

By the time America opened the door, Argentina was near tears.

"Dude!" America shouted, "Come in! England's already here, so we can annoy him together!"

Argentina's chipper mood instantly returned, "Fabulous! You, of course, should listen to me about it. I know the best ways to do it!"

"But…" America began.

"Anyways," Argentina interrupted, "Who's here?"

"Everybody's here," America said, grinning, "And China brought super-tasty snacks!"

"Great!" Argentina said, "Let's go!"

America beamed and moved aside to let Argentina in.

"Argentina's here!" He shouted.

"Great!" Indonesia said, "Now we can finally get started!"

"How about we spin a bottle to pick who gets the truth or dare for every round?" China suggested, "So that it'll be fairer."

"Wonderful idea!" India grinned, "Let's do it!"

Russia smiled, "Okay! I have empty vodka bottle."

"Everybody!" Germany shouted, "Form a circle!"

The countries all milled about for a bit, before Germany started shouting at them and ordering them to their places.

America laughed, "Man, Germany, you're so strict! Anyways, we should all sit down."

Everyone sat.

America looked alarmed. "Woah, this is the first time you guys listened to me! I need to take a picture-"

"I think your east Asian population is starting to infect your brain," Saudi Arabia snapped.

America laughed awkwardly. "Okay, Russia, put the bottle in the center!"

"Da [1]."

"We should make some rules," Germany grunted.

"If you land on the person that just gave you a truth or dare, you have to spin again," South Africa suggested.

"No lip-kissing or anything sexual between siblings," Saudi Arabia offered.

"Both of them are good," Germany said, "Any disagreements?"

None.

"Alright. Any more rules?"

"You can't back out of truth or dare once you've chosen one," Mexico proposed.

No one argued to that.

"Any more?"

SIlence.

Germany sighed, "Alright. Who goes first?"

"Age before beauty," Turkey grinned, "India or China can go first."

"But which one?" Argentina wondered.

"India can go first, since China looks younger," Australia suggested.

India nodded, "Very well then."

And then he started dancing.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" England spluttered.

""Dancing!" India beamed, "Isn't that obvious?"

"Aiya!" China shouted, pulling out his wok, "Hurry up and spin bottle, aru! Otherwise I hit you in face with wok!"

India gulped, looking terrified, which didn't surprise Argentina. Just about everyone was scared of China's wok.

The Indian man spun the bottle, smiling and dancing while doing it. It spun around and landed on…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kesesese…
> 
> Cliffhanger!
> 
> Don't worry, I swear the actual truths and dares will begin next round. Also, if you have any suggestions, feel free to put them in the reviews!
> 
> Translations:
> 
> [1] Yes (Russia)
> 
> [5] My family (Spanish)
> 
> And, again, I don't own Hetalia. Duh.


	3. Chapter 3

"Brazil!" India cackled, "Truth or dare?"

"Dare!" Brazil said confidently.

Australia rolled his eyes. The wild nation was 99.99 % sure that India's dare was going to have something to do with dancing.

Sure enough…

"I dare you to dance the hokey pokey!"

"Bloody hell," England grumbled, "Why does everything have to do with dancing?"

The Eyebrowed One was ignored.

"Alright…" Brazil said uncertainly, "How do you do it?"

"I'll get a YouTube video for you," America offered.

"Sure," Brazil said, smiling gratefully.

America quickly got the YouTube video up.

"Ready?" He asked.

Brazil nodded.

"You put your left foot in,"

Brazil stuck her left foot out.

"You put your left foot out,"

Brazil frowned, "Wait! Didn't I just stick my foot out?"

"Put your left foot back," Japan advised.

Brazil put her left foot back.

"You put your left foot in,"

Brazil kicked her left foot out again.

"And you shake it all about."

Brazil shook her left foot, while "accidentally" kicking Germany in the crotch.

"Mein Gott [6], woman!" Germany grunted, "Are you still sore about the soccer match?"

"You do the hokey pokey,"

"And you turn yourself around!"

Brazil spun around.

"That's what it's all about!"

Australia groaned. India's dare was stupid and boring. No surprise, considering the guy was even older than England. England.

"Let's stop here, mates," Australia interrupted, pausing the YouTube video, "Otherwise we'll be at this all day."

"Good idea, da-ze!" Korea beamed, "Good ideas originated in Korea!"

"Aiya," China muttered, "Good ideas no originate in Korea! But we should probably move on, aru."

"But…" India began, before noticing that China had pulled out his wok.

"Okay!" South Africa said, "Brazil can spin now."

Brazil reached out with her foot and kicked the bottle. It began to spin.

The spinner spun and spun until it landed on…

America!

"Hahaha!" America laughed, "The hero is ready!"

"Truth or d-"

"Dare!" America said confidently, "The hero always picks dare!"

"Okay," Brazil said, "I dare you to go do a college lecture on a subject pre-chosen for you, that you don't know beforehand."

"Dude!" America laughed, "I can totally do it!"

China scowled, "You should have dared him to pay us back."

Brazil frowned, "Oh, yeah, you're right, China. I should have done that."

China looked smug, "Of course I'm right, aru. Elders are always right."

America laughed nervously, "But what about the real professor?"

Brazil shrugged, "China can knock him out or something."

"Okay!" America grinned.

"We'll also put a hidden microphone," China added, "In case you need some advice or something, aru. But mainly so you can hear our commentary to your failure."

America gulped, but tried to put on a confident smile.

"I'll call an Uber!"

Germany smacked his face with his hand. "You moron. You have at least 50 cars!"

"Oops. I'll go get my car and-"

"Japan, South Korea, and I will come with you," China announced, "We need to rig the classroom."

The four rushed to the car, and managed to make it to the college that Korea chose without any further incident, which surprised all of them. America parked his car and the curb, his car earning some impressed looks. The four walked to the front door, where America was to wait while the east Asians rigged up the classrooms with hidden microphones and cameras.

"Are we sure about this?" Japan asked as he planted a miniscule microphone. "This is a really high-standard college. There could be real problems if we get caught."

China nodded. "Why we no choose community college instead?"

South Korea beamed. "'Cause this place looks cool, da-ze!"

"Aiya!"

Meanwhile, Canada was beating up the real professor with a hockey stick, while apologizing about it. Mexico was also beating up the professor (with her frying pan), but she didn't seem quite as apologetic.

Everyone else was having fun trying to come up with what America should "teach."

China, Japan, and South Korea, having finished the rigging, walked outside to America.

"Remember, aru," China said, "Room 265."

"265," Japan repeated.

America nodded, before marching inside, and taking a seat at the mocha-colored desk. The classroom was neat and well lit, with cream colored walls.

As the students filed in, they all looked at America, confused.

"Dude!" America shouted, "I think this class can began! My name is Amer-"

"Don't say your nation name, you dummkopf [7]!" Germany yelled through the microphone.

"Er, Professor Alfred F. Jones!" America said quickly, "And I will be your substitute!"

"What happened to our normal teacher?" A girl in the front asked.

"He got a concussion," America said.

"How?"

"Uh… a hockey stick!"

"A hockey stick?"

"Yeah! So you see, this hockey stick got possessed by the… er… evil spirit! Yeah, The evil spirit of Grandmother Maple."

"What do you mean the 'evil' spirit of Grandmother Maple?" Canada whisper-yelled.

"Well, to be fair," France said, "Mathieu [8] did take part in beating the original proffesor up."

"She was drunk on… er… tequila!" America continued.

"Tequila?" Mexico demanded, "He's already making himself sound stupid, and he hasn't even started the lecture!"

"The tequila, you see," America explained, "Had been poisoned by… uh… chopsticks! It had also sucked out the souls of Edward Elric and Naruto to give it more power!"

"Aiya," China muttered, "He so stupid, aru."

"Any questions?" America asked.

Silence.

Somebody raised their hand.

"Yes?" America asked, pointing to them.

"Are you sure you're a real professor?" The student asked skeptically.

"Of course!" America laughed nervously, "I got my education in the very best of schools!"

"Where?" The student demanded, "Harvard? Stanford."

"Hogwarts, of course!" America declared proudly.

"Oh my maple," Canada muttered, "How is he even related to me?"

"But-" The student began.

"Hurry!" Turkey hissed, "Start the lecture before they catch you! Your topic is 'how to jump off a cliff!'"

"Anyways," America said quickly, interrupting the student, "Let's start the lecture! The subject is… drumroll please…"

America looked up for the drumroll. None came.

"How to jump off a cliff!" The American declared proudly, writing it in huge letters on the board.

"What?" Another student demanded, "Why on Earth would we want to learn that?"

"Well," America said, obviously trying to come up with a passable reason, "You can get ninja powers from it! You see, there was once this ninja called Yao-Kiku Soo. He was the masters of the master of the master of ninjas! He was so terrifying, even Chuck Norris was scared of him!"

Several gasps sounded.

"America-san…" Japan muttered.

"Anyways," America continued, "Yao-Kiku Soo was so awesome, he realized that he took up all of the awesome in the world. If he didn't die, then nobody could ever be awesome. But since he was too awesome, he couldn't die! So Yao-Kiku Soo used his super-Asian-calculator-110%-intelligence power to come up with an idea. He would use his Wushu powers to expel his awesomeness! Since he liked cliffs-"

"Why did this Asian dude like cliffs?" One students asked.

"Uhh…" America said, scrambling to come up with an answer, "Because the God of Tea blessed all cliffs! And the God of Ramen did too! Not to mention the God of Rice and the God of math!"

"Lao tian ye [9]" China muttered, "Kiku- di-di [10], how are you even friends with this guy?"

"I don't know either," Japan replied honestly.

America laughed, "Anyways, after Yao-Kiku Soo expelled his awesomeness, he committed seppuku so that he could never regain his awesomeness and out-awesome everyone!"

An Asian kid raised their hand, "But seppuku is-"

"In summary, yes!" America declared.

"This class is stupid," A kid muttered.

"This class is FREEDOM," America shouted, "Respect the eagle, bro!"

"So is there a special way we should jump off a cliff?" Another kid asked.

America beamed, "I'm so glad you asked!"

"Wait for it…" Saudi Arabia muttered.

"You need to cannonball off with a shark attached to your nose and neon pink hair, while singing 'Oppa Gangnam Style!'"

"Oppa Gangnam Style originated in Korea, da-ze!" South Korea shouted.

Indonesia blinked, "It actually did."

"This is ridiculous!" Someone in the front row screamed.

"Riddikulus!" A guy in a Harry Potter t-shirt agreed.

Then, luckily for America (he was really running out of ideas), the bell rang. The students practically tripped over each other trying to get away from their weird substitute.

"I bet someone's going to tell the principal," Brazil muttered.

"And America's going to end up arrested." Argentina sighed.

South Africa frowned, "Can you even arrest your own country?"

Turkey shrugged, "Who knows? Let's get him out of there before anything happens."

"Bloody hell," England grumbled, "This was a downright stupid idea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! I finished this! It's like 10:54 P.M. now…
> 
> Anyways, I'm trying to show all the members of the G20. I'm really sorry if you don't see enough of a particular character.
> 
> I got the personalities of Argentina, Brazil, Indonesia, and South Africa off the internet. Saudi Arabia's personality comes off what I know about the country.
> 
> Err… I also got the "pay the other nations back" dare idea off Pinterest!
> 
> Fun facts ('cause I'm bored)：
> 
> Chinese characters are called hanzi (汉字), and Japanese characters adopted from hanzi are called kanji.
> 
> Pinyin (拼音) is the romanization of Chinese characters. It is used for inputting in computers!
> 
> During China's Mid-Autumn Festival (中秋节）it is custom to admire the moon
> 
> (赏月) and eat mooncakes (月饼)!
> 
> 中国万岁！
> 
> Translations:
> 
> [6] My God (German)
> 
> [7] Idiot (German)
> 
> [8] Matthew (French variant)
> 
> [9] Oh my God (Chinese)
> 
> [10] Little brother (Chinese)


	4. Chapter 4

Japan sighed. He was honestly worried about these games of truth and dare. He was pretty sure that someone would end up arrested, and their bosses would be all over them.

They were all at America's house (and luckily not behind bars), and America was about to spin the bottle for their next victim- ahem, player.

"Dude!" America shouted, "I'm going to do it!"

"Okay, America," South Africa smiled.

"Any second now!"

"Okay…" Canada muttered.

"I'm really gonna do it!"

"Just do it already!" England and China screamed together, the latter adding an -aru at the end of his sentence and pulling out his wok.

"Alright, alright!" America shouted, "Seriously, dudes, you need to chill. Man, you two are like grumpy old grandpas."

China and England turned bright red. "Sh-shut up, you idiot! Don't disrespect your elders!"

"Oh mon Dieu [11]," Said France, "Did that really just happen?"

Australia cracked up, "I wish I'd filmed that! Hong Kong would love it! And if I posted it, I bet a bunch of our bosses would have liked it!"

Japan shook his head. "Please, let us get going."

"Alrighty, then!" America boomed, "Anything for my bro, Keeks!"

"A-america-san! Please, do not call me that!" Japan stammered, blushing.

"If you even look the wrong way at my precious little brother," China threatened, with a look in his eyes that would scare even Belarus. "I swear to every deity there is, I will castrate you, America."

America laughed nervously, hurriedly spinning the bottle provide a distraction.

The bottle spun…

China glared murderously at America.

And spun…

Australia snicker, filming the whole thing. He had originally thought Norway would get the over-protective big brother award, but it looked like China might have a shot after all.

And spun…

Germany put his face in his hands. This was just about the worst idea ever.

And landed on…

"Me?" Saudi Arabia shrieked.

Russia beamed, "Da!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 11/3/2016
> 
> Uh… to be honest, I have no idea what to say.
> 
> Translations:
> 
> [11] Oh my God (French)


	5. Chapter 5

Canada sighed, watching the scene unfold before him. Saudi Arabia looked furious, and was being held down by a panicked-looking South Africa. America was laughing, for some ridiculous reason.

His twin brother was doomed.

"Everyone!" Germany shouted, "Focus!"

Saudi Arabia scowled, "I choose dare."

"Right!" America shouted, "Okay, Saudi Arabia, the hero dares you to call Iran and ask him if he believes in aliens!"

"What?" Saudi Arabia shrieked, "That is ridiculous! No!"

"You have to," Brazil reminded her.

Turkey grinned, "I'll pay you if you do it!"

Everyone gaped at him.

The masked man shrugged, "What? It'll be funny to watch."

South Korea lent Saudi Arabia his phone.

"Don't break it, da-ze," He said, looking a bit nervous.

Saudi Arabia dialed Iran's number, looking extremely pissed-off the entire time.

"Turn it onto speaker," Argentina urged.

"Salaam [12]?" Iran's voice sounded.

"Wa alaykum a salaam [13]," Saudi Arabia responded, "Ismii [14] almamlakat alearabiat alssaeudia [15]."

"Speak English!" Australia hissed.

Saudi Arabia sighed, "Brother, I want to ask you a question."

"Okay."

"Do you believe in aliens?" The middle eastern woman turned bright red.

"W-what kind of questions is that?" Iran sputtered.

"Please, do you or don't you?"

"Are you okay? Did you get poisoned?"

"No! Just please answer!"

"It was that fool America, wasn't it?"

"No!" Saudi Arabia shouted, "Well.. er… kind of…"

"I knew it! I'll kill him!"

"Just answer!"

"Of course I don't believe in aliens! Now-"

"Shoo kran [16]! maʿ al-salāmah [17]!"

Saudi Arabia slammed the phone down, effectively breaking it.

"Hey!" South Korea protested, "That was the newest model, da-ze!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Another chapter! Sorry if they're too short.
> 
> I kinda just came up with Iran's character myself.
> 
> About the Arabic/Persian at the end… yeah… I'm pretty sure I screwed that up. See, as a bilingual (Chinese and English!) I understand that languages can't translate directly into each other, and what flows in one language may not work in another. So I'm really, really, sorry if I screwed that up.
> 
> 对不起！
> 
> Translations:
> 
> 12] Hello (Persian)
> 
> [13] Hello (Arabic)
> 
> [14] My name is (Arabic)
> 
> [15] Saudi Arabia (Arabic)
> 
> [16] Thank you (Arabic)
> 
> [17] Goodbye (Arabic)


	6. Chapter 6

China was sick of this dumb truth or dare game. He could be home, with his adorable pandas, cats, and Hong Kong. Instead, he had to deal with these morons. At least he had Japan to keep him company. Thank God for Japan (at least when he wasn't being a jerk).

"Aniki [18]!" South Korea wailed.

"Yes?" China grumbled.

"Saudi Arabia broke my new phone!"

"I heard," China replied dryly.

"It was the newest model! The newest model, aniki!"

China groaned.

"Not that you would know. You're so old. You still use a flip phone, da-ze!"

China reddened, "Aiya! Don't be disrespectful!"

Japan, luckily, chose that moment to step in.

"I will bring you a new phone from my place Korea-san."

"Yes!" South Korea and China shrieked in rare harmony, "Thank you, Japan!"

Japan smiled. "And they've finally managed to calm Saudi Arabia down. We can continue."

The three Asians rejoined the circle, South Korea sitting as far away from Saudi Arabia as possible.

"Okay," Turkey grinned, "Spin."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh… I got nothing to say.
> 
> Sorry for the short chapters. I'll make them longer, I promise!
> 
> Translations:
> 
> [18] Big Brother (Japanese)


	7. Chapter 7

England groaned as the bottle landed pointing towards him. He tried to comfort himself with the fact that Saudi Arabia's dares couldn't get too bad.

Sadly, he was wrong.

"I dare you to pretend that you have a crush on a plant in the US national arboretum, and ask it out."

To England's fury, most attending nations cracked up immediately.

France snickered, "Honhonhon, I could give you dating advice."

"Shut up, you bloody wanker!"

"I was only trying to be nice!"

"Oh, really?"

"Please. You could use dating advice."

"Excuse me?"

"Really, you're never going to get a date, and stay a-"

"Shut up! I am perfectly capable of ge-getting a bloody date! I'm a gentleman!"

"Yeah, right," China grumbled.

"Oh, you're the bloody one to talk. I bet you never even-"

"At least my eyebrows look less hideous!"

"Everyone!" Germany roared, "Shut up! Let's hurry up and drive to the gardens!"

"How many cars do we have?" Indonesia wondered.

America grinned, "Five."

South Africa raised her eyebrows, "How did you get so many?"

America shrugged, "Oh, four are birthday presents from Japan, China, South Korea, and Germany. The last one I bought myself."

"What do you guys think about 4 people a car?" Mexico asked, "One car would need to have three, since we don't have the EU with us."

"Okay," Everyone chorused.

"We will do this alphabetically-" Germany began.

"I wanna be with China!" South Korea shrieked, "And Japan!"

"No!" China and Japan screamed.

Russia smiled eerily, "Yao-yao will be with me, da [1]?"

"I wanna be with Keeks and Mattie," America whined.

"Ve~" Italy said happily, "I wanna be with Germany!"

"Nein!" Germany roared.

Italy burst into tears.

Germany paled considerably.

"I wasn't talking to you!" Germany shouted hysterically, desperately trying to comfort the bawling Italian.

Meanwhile, South Korea and Russia were having a fight over a pissed-off China. France was trying to get England and Canada into the same car as him. Canada was obeying, but England… not so much.

"No!" England yelled.

"Please, mon cher," France pleaded, "I'll get America, and it'll be like a family road trip, albeit a short one! We haven't been together for forever!"

England groaned, "Fine."

"Mathieu," France said, "Please go get your brother over here."

Canada nodded obediently, and went and dragged America over.

"Dude!" America laughed, "Did you bring food?"

England beamed, "As a matter of fact-"

"Forget it. I just ate," America said hurriedly.

England sulked.

France couldn't help but feel amused. He knew that by the end of the road trip, America would have consumed some of England's disastrous cooking out of pity and old habit.

America was probably one of the few people that could consume England's food without having a near-death experience. Australia and New Zealand could do it too, but not Hong Kong or Canada. They had been taught real cuisine by China and France.

However, no one else had managed to form a group of four or three.

"Enough!" Germany shouted, "We will now do this geographically, since the ones geographically closest to you are probably your relatives or something. If things are uneven, I'll do some adjusting. France's group can stay the way you are."

"First, we will have Argentina, Brazil, Mexico, and Australia."

"So I'm with a bunch of girls that could snap at any moment and kill me?" Australia asked, "Great."

"Second, we will have China, Japan, South Korea, and Indonesia."

"I have a bad feeling I'm going to end up as a fourth wheel," Indonesia thought miserably.

"Third, we will have Turkey, Saudi Arabia, South Africa, and India."

South Africa felt a bit (i.e. a lot) worried about how well her group could get along.

"And last, we will have Italy, Russia, and I."

"Yay!" Russia and Italy cheered together.

Germany massaged his head.

"We haven't even completed England's dare yet, and we've already had several arguments and wasted a bunch of time! It's no wonder we barely get anything done."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow… it's nearly 1:00 AM now.
> 
> Poor Germany.
> 
> Part of me thinks this chapter was a waste of time. My life is a waste of time.
> 
> Oh, well. I promise you, England's dare will start on the next chapter. Honest.
> 
> Anyways, I'm thinking that once every G20 nation (excluding the EU) gets a turn, I'll mark this thing as complete.
> 
> After all, everyone's nation deserves a chance to be humiliated!
> 
> …
> 
> That came out kinda wrong.
> 
> Translations:
> 
> [19] My dear (male) (French)


	8. Chapter 8

Canada desperately wanted to jump out of the car.

England, France, and America were having a sort of three-way fight. If Japan was here, he might have gotten a nosebleed.

"Ahem…" Canada said weakly, hugging Kumajiro tightly to his chest.

"Be quiet, America!" England screamed at him.

"Actually, I'm Canada…"

"I said be quiet! There's already enough on my plate without your burger-eating face."

"But…"

"Ingrate! I raised you!"

"Yes, you did sort of raise me, but that's not the point."

"I made you custom toy soldiers!"

"No, you didn't."

"How dare you say that! It cost me so much money and time! And you have the nerve to forget! Why, if you were still as small as you once were, I'd give you a bollocking!"

"The one time he heard me," Canada thought miserably, "And it wasn't even in my favor."

America burst out laughing, "Yo, Iggy! You're shouting at the wrong twin here!"

"Oui [20]," France said, snickering.

England, coming to the sudden realization, flushed bright crimson red.

"Wow, dude," America chuckled, "You sure are getting old. Soon, you're gonna be like China- straining your back every time you bend down to pick up a pen or something."

"I'm quite sorry, Canada," England said, looking embarrassed.

"It's fine," Canada muttered.

Suddenly, the car swerved, narrowly hitting a lamp post.

"What was that?" England shouted, glaring at America, who was driving.

"Sorry, bro," America said, his face ghostly. "I just saw what was going on in Germany's car… Jesus… some things can never be unseen…"

"What was it?" France asked, "Was it-"

"No!" America shouted, "It's just… er…"

"Don't say it," Canada said, "I don't want nightmares."

England nodded.

Surprisingly, they reached the garden without any further incident. The 19 nations stepped out and met up.

"I was right," Indonesia thought mournfully, "I was a third wheel. And Korea is insane."

South Africa looked pale, and she scrambled away from her group as fast as possible.

"Never again," Germany chanted as he sat with his head in hands, "Never again."

Russia's eye was twitching, a maniac smile on his face.

"Aiya, Saudi Arabia," China grumbled, "Couldn't you have just made England ask out a plant in America's house?"

Saudi Arabia, her eyes dark and her figure stiff, glared at China.

"That's a really good question," Australia said, "The girls must have kicked me a million times. Not even my nation personification super healing ability will be able to fix it. Did you know they kicked me-"

"Shut up," Saudi Arabia snapped, "My boss said we had to deal with each other for a week."

"A week?" Everyone screamed for the first (and possibly the last) time in perfect harmony.

"I always thought our bosses were idiots," America muttered, "But this is a whole 'nother level of stupid."

Saudi Arabia looked like she agreed, but was reluctant to say so. "Yes… If we learn how to deal with each other now, the rest of the week will be simpler. Plus, if we waste a lot of time on dares, have really long meals, and sleep a lot, we'll have to do less dares."

"But couldn't we just not do anything?" Mexico asked, "And why didn't our bosses tell us?"

"To answer your first question, Mexico, the bosses have special methods of knowing. Ask China or India about this, they're older, so they know more. As for your second…"

Saudi Arabia shrugged.

"Maybe they didn't think it was necessary. They did tell Germany, though."

Germany nodded.

"My boss probably just felt sorry for me," Saudi Arabia continued, glaring at them, "There. Satisfied?"

The G20 nations nodded, falling into miserable silence.

"Well," India said, "Let's figure out how to complete England's dare- with us watching. Stuffing 19 of us in front of a plant will be quite hard."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter of wasting time…
> 
> And there wasn't even England's dare. I am a dishonest person. I bring dishonor upon my family. Seppuku!
> 
> I got the China-straining-his-back-when-he-tries-to-pick-up-a-pen from a comic.
> 
> Translations:
> 
> [20] Yes (French)


	9. Chapter 9

England scowled. He was walking in the US national arboretum. It was lovely, with green plants and colorful flowers. The air was cool, and birds sang a sweet melody.

The only thing that ruined it was the frog walking beside him.

The Englishman had France with him to make sure he didn't escape. The other nations were watching (and probably snickering) from a miniature camera attached to his France's forehead, courtesy of the east Asians.

He and France also had earpieces, just so they could listen to 0 star commentary.

"Mate, this is going to be hilarious," Australia cackled, "I wish Hong Kong and New Zealand were here to see this.'

"I know, right?" America snickered.

"Argh!" England shouted, startling a group of Asian tourists, "This is torture!"

"Come down, mon petit lapin [21]," France said, chuckling, "You need the practice."

"What do you mean I need the practice?" England screamed, lunging at France. "What do you bloody mean? I am wonderful at the art of courting!"

"'The art of courting,'" France snickered.

"Shut up! I am a gentleman-"

"'Gentleman,'" China snorted, "Yeah, and I'm Julius Caesar."

"I am polite!"

"When you're not busy throwing a fit," India grumbled.

"My voice is good!"

"Mine is better," China huffed, "And so is my cooking."

"Who are you to call my cooking bad?" England screamed at one of the Asian tourist ladies.

The entire tourist group stared at him, before muttering some insults in Chinese and walking off.

"China's cooking is better than yours," Australia said, "Yours sucks."

"Why don't we call up Hong Kong and ask him?" South Africa suggested, "He knows firsthand."

"Just you wait," England grumbled, his nostrils flaring. "I'll show you!" He had his hands wrapped around a nearby young tree, and was now shaking it while screaming at it. "Bloody wankers! I used to rule the world, you know!"

"Angleterre [22]," France began desperately, "You need to calm down and-"

"My cooking is great! America's bad sense of taste doesn't have anything to do with me!"

"We're going to get kicked out-"

England slapped the tree, while suggesting some not-so-PG things the other nations could do to themselves.

"China and India are so annoying! Calling me opium and mocking my cooking!"

"Well, it's kind of true-"

England kicked the tree furiously, "How dare they! And how dare you!"

"You and Saudi Arabia need to go take some anger management classes."

"I'll get Saudi Arabia back for this! I'll impose sanctions on her! So many sanctions, she'll bloody drown in them!"

"What did you say?" Saudi Arabia screeched, "Gah, I hate westerners! Acting the they rule the world-"

"I was once the empire that the sun never set on-"

"You are all imbeciles-"

"Now people just make fun of my eyebrows-"

"How dare they-"

"My eyebrows are fine-"

"Stupid iPhone-"

"I was just going through my teenage phase when I tried to take over the world-"

"I hate your ringtone-"

"I hate this tree-"

"I hate your phone case-"

"I'll-"

"I'll-"

"Shut up!" China shouted so loudly that even the other tourists in the arboretum heard a faint noise.

"Both of you are acting like immature children! How do you expect to represent your nation with pride if you start throwing a fit at everything? I have known both your parents, and if you are anything like them, you should be able to act with more dignity. So stop punching that tree, England. And you, Saudi Arabia, I understand you are upset about being controlled by western nation. Breaking everyone's phones won't solve that. Negotiations and diplomacy will. You two were tasked with being the personification of your nation, and you must carry that role well, with honor!"

There was a moment of stunned silence after China's monologue.

Finally, Turkey whistled.

"How did you do that, old man? You just shut up two extreme hotheads! If I could do that, all of the nations I once had under my rule would have been much easier to deal with."

"Remember, I've raised six kids," China said, a hint of smugness in his tone, "And I'm over 4,000 years old."

"Well," France said, "England can ask the tree he was just messing with out, so we can get over with."

"Yeah," Australia said, "Right after he beat it up."

"Only in YA novels would that be a good start to a relationship," America muttered.

"Ask ahead," France said, gesturing towards the tree and smirking at England.

England scowled, marching up to the tree.

"Excuse me," He said feebly, "Er, tree?"

A group of old ladies walking by gave him strange looks.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I was wondering... er… if-"

England broke abruptly, a scarlet blush decorating his cheeks.

"Aww," France cooed, "Mon petit lapin [21] is shy!"

"Shut up!" England snapped, kicking the tree.

"You have to stop this, amigo [23]," Mexico said, "There is no way the tree would go out with you if you kicked it."

"Argh!" England yelled, "Just bloody go out with me, you stupid tree!"

Three females were walking by them and whispering to each other while glancing at England. One of them giggled.

"I hate you!" England yelled at the tree.

"Tsundere," One of the caretakers, who was trimming a thick bush with a chainsaw, whispered.

England glared at him.

"Whatever you feel, it's perfectly okay," Another caretaker said, grinning. "It's all part of growing up. We support you no matter who you are attracted to."

England growled in anger. He marched up to the first caretaker, and snatched the chainsaw from him.

Then he returned to the still-young tree, and cut it down in one blow. It fell onto the foliage with a soft thump. It did not disturb much, it's life short and meaningless.

The caretakers' eyes were wide with shock and horror, unable to process what had just transpired. England was breathing heavily, chest heaving, eyes wild, staring straight at the fallen tree.

"Ah," France said sadly, "A tragedy worthy of Shakespeare."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! After so much wasted time, I have finally completed England's dare! I deserve cookies!
> 
> Translations:
> 
> [21] My little bunny (French)
> 
> [22] England (French)
> 
> [23] Friend; pal (Spanish)


	10. Chapter 10

"Sacre bleu [24]!" France cried as he raced through the arboretum with England. "You just had to cut down the tree, didn't you?"

"I-" England spluttered, blushing a furious shade of red.

"You take tsundere to a whole other level," South Korea commented.

"I'm not-" England began.

"Yes, you are," All of the nations chorused.

"Fine!" England screamed as one of the security guards tackled him over, "Fine! That bloody tree- bloody anime-"

"Excuse me?" Japan hissed, his normally stoic demeanor disappearing.

"I'm sick of all the maid costumes!"

"On my honor, I will destroy you!" Japan yelled.

"Guys, someone call the Pope!" America yelled, "I think Keeks got possessed!"

"Too many b-"

"There is no such thing as too many b-" South Korea began loudly.

"Don't say that word!" China shrieked, "How dare you, bringing dishonor to our family-"

"Tentacles are s-"

"K-drama is the best-"

"Stop mocking my animation!"

"Godzilla!"

"K-pop!"

"Aiya!"

"Can you even arrest a nation?" France wondered suddenly.

Turkey shrugged, "Heck if I know. We should get you guys out of there."

"Alright," England said, punching a security guard in the face, "I'll get one of Wales' dragons-"

"No way that will work!" France declared.

"Just watch," England snapped, "Bloody frog."

Suddenly, a long, serpentine dragon descended from the clouds and swatted the guards aside with it's tale. It's scale were white, green and blue, it had ancient eyes that told a tale of honor and sacrifice, of war and love.

"You're welcome," China said smugly.

"Woah, dude!" America shouted, "That was wicked rad!"

"I was about to call a dragan!" England yelled, looking furious.

"Whatever!" France shouted, jumping onto the back of the dragon and offering England his hand. "Just get on before we get arrested!"

England scowled at the proffered hand, but he took it anyways. The two clung to the back of the dragon as it soared farther and farther away, before finally descending into America's home.

The nations all agreed that two near-arrests, one crazy car trip, on dead tree, and one broken phone were enough for one day, even by their standards. It was time to rest.

**Author's Note:**

> Yay! Chapter one is done! Bwahaha! Ich bin awesome!
> 
> And if part of chapter one sounds weirdly familiar, that's because I took it off of episode one of the anime!
> 
> Kesesese…
> 
> Anyways, here are the translations:
> 
> [1] Yes (Russian)
> 
> [2] Yes; okay (Chinese)
> 
> [3] No (German)
> 
> [4] Love (French)
> 
> And "Ich bin awesome" means "I am awesome." I knew that without even having to go to google translate! Kesesese!
> 
> The actual truths and dares will begin in Chapter 3, so go there if you're bored of this intro writing.
> 
> And, just as a side note, I don't own Hetalia. But I think you already know that.


End file.
